“My eyes are worn out from weeping; my stomach is churning, my insides are poured on the ground…” Lamentations 2:11
Today is the day. The day that marks two years since I lost my sister Debbie. The day that was supposed to be a weekend of joy with a surprised baby shower for Madelyn but instead a funeral with tears, heartache and questions. Today is the day I think of what it should’ve been and wonder why you left us so young? Today is the day our lives changed forever.
A lot of us have these days. The day of questions, uncertainty and sorrow. The day of when we lost someone we loved, the day of our unborn child’s birthday…. It hurts extra these days.
I know that God is sovereign, but I still don’t understand why we have to go through such tragedies. I remember listening to “It is Well” by Bethel Music - it was sung by two of our dear friends at Debbie’s funeral. I am not going to lie it was a hard song to hear. I couldn’t even sing it. It was not well with my soul! I was upset, hurt and angry. I didn’t understand…It was supposed to be a fun weekend! We were all supposed to be together celebrating Maddie. It wasn’t supposed to be like this! For many months it was hard for me to hear this song.
In September of 2015 a dear friend of mine left this world unexpectedly. I was asked to sing “It is Well” by Bethel Music at her funeral. It brought back a lot of the same questions and emotions from Debbie’s death. I remember listening to the song one day in my bedroom. The kids were napping and I was asking God why? How can this be well with my soul? I began to weep in my bedroom as I listened to the bridge.
Through it all. Through it all my eyes are on you. Through it all. Through it all. It is well. Through it all. Through it all my eyes are on you. And it is well with me.”
I don’t think that God necessarily says what has happened is good and I don’t think He even expects us to understand why. Honestly, I really don’t think I will ever know why. He calls us to fix our eyes on Him through all circumstances. He never said this journey of life would be easy but He told me He would never leave me, nor forsake me. He promised me that I would never be alone on this journey and that He would be with me THROUGH IT ALL. It is well with my soul because of Him and when we fix our eyes on Him, He lets us know it is well. Doesn’t mean we have to understand or we don’t have days that we weep with sorrow. To me it means we have a Savior that holds us closely and gives us hope for tomorrow. He helps me focus on the beautiful life Debbie lived. The many hearts she continues to touch with her story and her legacy she left us through her daughter, and so much more. Some days are harder then others but that is why I can now sing, “Even so, It is well.”
We love you so very much and think of you everyday. You will always have a very special place in our family’s heart. Thank you for loving me and for always making me feel like I was your “real” sister. Your hugs were tight with love and your smile was contagious. Your words were bold and true and you showed true bravery and courage. You loved Jesus with your whole heart and you invested in your daughter’s life even when it was extremely hard at times. You were a true example of someone who wasn’t going let their past take their future! I love you forever! I am so proud of the women and life you lived!
Love your Sister,
It took just one comment from a four year old that made me go overboard. It made me enter into a new obsession of looking at tall skinny girls that seemed to always look perfect on Instagram. I was already dealing with some insecurities about myself. After having my second child my face began to break out constantly. I never really had this problem, just the minor breakouts and now here I am in my late twenties and I felt like I was back in high school.
I began to pick at myself. First it was my breakouts, then it was stretch marks, my stomach and the list continued. I began playing this comparing game and wished I looked like “her” but then making excuses of why “she” looked a certain way and I didn’t. It was becoming a habit and it wasn’t healthy. It began to eat away at me. It wasn’t just how I looked anymore; I started not to like me. To be honest I didn’t even realize it was happening. I felt miserable and unsatisfied; it was because I was unhappy with myself.
It was one of those long mommy days…you know the days when you smell, have no make up on and pray that not one person comes to your door. Yep, one of those days! I had finally gotten the kids to bed and I was ready to just sit and watch TV. As I was laying in bed getting ready to put the TV on my husband looks at me and says, “You look beautiful.” I just looked at him and rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah, whatever.” Then he said, “You always look beautiful. You’re my girl.” All of sudden something clicked and I thought, “I am his girl.”
It is mind blowing how we can let our insecurities eat at us. It is like we view ourselves as something so insignificant. We are constantly comparing our lows to someone else's highs. I often wonder what would happen if I viewed myself the way my husband Dave views me. I know I am his girl and I know he believes in me. If only I looked in the mirror and saw what he sees.
In Psalms 139:13-14 says, "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mothers womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it.” (NLT).
I love the NLT version because of the last sentence, “Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it.” Too often we never truly find out how marvelous we really are because we are too busy trying to be like someone else. I can’t even begin to imagine what would happen if I truly figured out how marvelous I was. If I looked in the mirror and saw all the delicate, complex parts that God sees. If I truly believed that He knitted me into this special being so that one day I could change a life through a blog that, most times in my eyes, seems pointless and insignificant. If only I totally forgot about my insecurities and let God take all of me for His glory. If only I didn’t let my insecurities stop me from something so much greater…
The next day I opened my bible app to read the verse of the day. It is funny how God works. It was Song of Songs 4:1, “You are beautiful, my darling, beautiful beyond words…” Yes God, I certainly am.
One of my favorite things to do is to go to Yankee Stadium to watch my Yankees play! There is nothing better than being surrounded by Yankee fans and routing for your home team!
As you may know, we recently moved and I am now realizing how much I am missing my home team. I am not talking about the Yankees or any other sports team. I am talking about the people in your life who you hold close to your heart. They are the people who you call first with good or bad news. These are the people that know from a text message that you are having a bad day. They are always inspiring you to be your best and to reach for your dreams. They always believe in you more then you believe in yourself. They see Gods potential and calling on your life. They are the ones that you laugh with so hard that your stomach hurts. You are better when you are all together. That’s my home team.
This may be short and sweet today, but I just wanted to tell my home team that I miss you and I love you! I am sorry if I have ever taken you for granted! Thank you for loving me and my crazy quirks, insecurities and imperfections. I am so blessed to have such an amazing Home Team!
So who is your home team? Why not take a moment today to thank them for all they mean to you!
Hello my name is Tiffany. I am a mom to two beautiful children, Landon & Madelyn and a wife to my Prince Charming, David. A few of my favorite things are Disney, the beach, sharpies & post its.
Moms Are World Changers